As many blessings as I have in my life, and today I am
missing the three I don’t have. Feels almost ungrateful. I have a beautiful daughter that lights up my
world every day. But today, I am having a hard time shaking my losses.
Sometimes, my anger and bitterness boil to the surface. Three
special people in my life will never be acknowledged. Three people that changed
my life drastically, but no one else know. How can that be? They are three of
my children. They touched my life, and
left before they could be born. I should
have a 14 year old, a 10 year old, a 5 year old, and a 3 month old. Don’t get
me wrong, I love my 10 year old daughter with all my heart. She is my joy. She
is smart, funny, and so loving. Every day she wakes up and comes into my room to
wake me up and cuddle before she has to get ready for school. . I feel like
I’ve been deprived of the joy these three children would have brought to my
life. Maybe it is because my daughter is so wonderful that I feel even more
robbed. Now, it looks more and more like she is the only one that the world
will know.
Even after 15 years, I am still grieving. I don’t think that
will ever change. I still want to yell at the top of my lungs. I want someone
to acknowledge that these kids were real, and that they were loved. To my
Michael, Jeremy, and Jacob… I loved you from the minute I knew you were there,
and I will miss you for the rest of my life.
